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“I Am Such A Lipstick Lesbian. Why Did She Label Me a Dyke?”
Kari van der Heide

Kari van der Heide

Contributing Writer at the Parent Voice, Magazine
Kari is a momblogger from the Netherlands. She has been married for three years, to another woman, and together they have a daughter called Isaya (2). On columnsbykari.com she writes about parenting, beauty, style and health. For the Parent Voice, Kari writes articles about her life as a Dutch gay mom.
Kari van der Heide

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The other day I was in our bedroom – my daughter was taking a nap next to me – when I heard someone outside say “That’s where those dykes live”.

I was in complete shock. First of all, it sounded so rude. It also felt intrusive, a little bit unsafe even. Because, why? Why would someone say that? Care that we lived there?  I have to admit, my ego went: “Why did she use the word “dyke”? (I am such a lipstick lesbian, no one has ever labeled me a dyke!)

I am such a lipstick lesbian. Why did she use the word “dyke”? Read more. Click To Tweet

When the shock had subsided a bit, I ran to the window, curious who had said it. They were long gone. I thought maybe it was a couple of teenagers, one trying to be cool to her friend. Or maybe they were even talking about the lesbian couple that lives in the street adjacent to ours. I will probably never know, but it has stuck with me.

The fact that such a small incident lingers in my mind for so long says a lot about how little abuse we get on a daily basis, as two gay moms, living in the Netherlands. We get zero, to be precise. We are treated like anyone else. We can get married, have a baby and have the same rights as straight couples do.

People hardly ever stare at us, never leave nasty comments on my social media and we certainly don’t get hate.

People hardly ever stare at us, never leave nasty comments on my social media and we certainly don’t get hate. If people address ‘our situation’ it’s because they are interested or because they think it’s kind of cool.

I know there are a lot of countries where this is not the case. And that pains and shocks me every day. When things like the Orlando shooting happen, I feel gutted for days. 

When I hear about parts of the USA where gay people are considered sinful or disgusting, I feel angry that such a great country still carries such small ideas. When gays are beaten to death, anywhere in the world, all borders disappear and I feel their pain. Because their agony, their unsafe place in this world, is connected to all of us.

If people address ‘our situation’ it’s because they are interested or because they think it’s kind of cool. Click To Tweet

 

Kari and her daughter

Kari with her daughter

My daughter is growing up in this world, with two moms. I want her to feel normal, I need her to feel safe, I wish for her to be happy. Every time someone, somewhere gets attacked for being gay, her future is under attack.

Every time someone gets attacked for being gay, my daughter's future is under attack. Click To Tweet

Every mother – no matter where she lives, whom she loves, what she believes in, who she votes for and what the color of her skin is – wants her child to be safe, happy, and loved. We all want the same thing. This is what binds us together, as humans, not as labels.   

Every mother, no matter whom she loves, wants her child to be safe, happy, and loved. Click To Tweet

What do you think of the author’s experience? Feel free to share your thoughts with us below. 

Kari van der Heide blogs at ColumnsbyKari.Com. You can follow her on Facebook and Instagram.



 

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the author

Kari is a momblogger from the Netherlands. She has been married for three years, to another woman, and together they have a daughter called Isaya (2). On columnsbykari.com she writes about parenting, beauty, style and health. For the Parent Voice, Kari writes articles about her life as a Dutch gay mom.

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