Home >> How We Met >> The Cubicle: An African American-Indian Love Story
The Cubicle: An African American-Indian Love Story
Suchitra Shenoy Packer
Follow Me

Suchitra Shenoy Packer

Founder & Editor-in-Chief at the Parent Voice, Magazine
Suchitra has previously worked as a journalist, a PR officer, and a professor. She is currently a stay-at-home-working-mom to two multiracial kids, the inspiration behind theParentVoice,.
Suchitra Shenoy Packer
Follow Me

Latest posts by Suchitra Shenoy Packer (see all)

Get to know our December's How We Met couple, Nikita and Sachin Gupta. Authors, career nomads, entrepreneurs, they've been there, done that, and continue to do amazing things together. Nikita also runs a successful blog at GrowingUpGupta where, among other things, she shares her experiences raising her African American-Indian daughter.

Nikita has a Bachelors degree in Biology with minors in Chemistry and Spanish and an MBA in Marketing and Entrepreneurship. Not one to really "stay" at home as a mom, in her tenure as a SAHM, she has published two books and written or continued to write for The Huffington Post, Multicultural Kids Blogs, the South Asian Bloggers Network, the Times of India, and BrownGirl Magazine. She has also been featured on podcasts and worked with multiracial and multicultural brands.

Nikita's husband, Sachin, who is Indian, is an author and Sales Manager. He has a Bachelors degree in Mechanical Engineering.

Over to Nikita and Sachin.

Don't forget to read what happened when Sachin told his Indian parents he was in love with Nikita and wanted to marry her, an African-American woman. 


 

 

  1. If​ ​your​ ​love​ ​story​ ​was​ ​to​ ​be​ ​made​ ​into​ ​a​ ​movie,​ ​what​ ​would​ ​you​ ​call​ ​it?

The​ ​Cubicle

We​ ​talked​ ​for​ ​hours​ ​on​ ​end​ ​during​ ​that​ ​dinner.​ ​So much​ ​so​, ​that​ ​we​ ​didn't​ ​want​ ​the​ ​date​ ​to​ ​end.

  1. How did​ ​you​ ​meet? Who made the first move? How?

We​ ​met​ ​at​ ​work​ ​at​ ​a​ ​mutual​ ​friend's​ ​cubicle. Sachin​ ​made​ ​the​ ​first​ ​move. He​ ​asked​ ​me​ ​on​ ​a​ ​date​ ​and​ ​stated​ ​that​ ​he​ ​wanted​ ​to​ ​treat​ ​me​ ​like​ ​a​ ​princess. ​I​ ​told​ ​him​ ​it​ ​would​ ​just​ ​be​ ​a​ ​friend​ ​date--two​ ​friends​ ​going​ ​out​ ​to​ ​dinner. However,​ ​he​ ​brought​ ​me​ ​flowers​ ​and​ ​opened​ ​my​ ​car​ ​door.​ ​He​ ​was​ ​completely chivalrous​ ​the​ ​entire​ ​evening​ ​and​ ​we​ ​talked​ ​for​ ​hours​ ​on​ ​end​ ​during​ ​that​ ​dinner.​ ​So much​ ​so​, ​that​ ​we​ ​didn't​ ​want​ ​the​ ​date​ ​to​ ​end.

  1. What​ ​attracted​ ​you​ ​to​ ​each​ ​other?

We​ ​are​ ​a​ ​lot​ ​alike​ ​and​ ​our​ ​lives​ ​have​ ​mirrored​ ​each​ ​other's​ ​in​ ​many​ ​ways.​ ​We complement​ ​each​ ​other​ ​in​ ​every​ ​way.​ ​And​ ​Sachin​ ​daily​ ​brought​ ​me​ ​flowers​ ​when​ ​we were​ ​dating.

  1. Tell​ ​us​ ​about​ ​you​r​ ​cultural​ ​backgrounds.

Nikita​ - I am​ African-American​ ​and​ ​was​ ​raised​ ​Christian.​ ​I ​was​ ​born​ ​in​ ​Chicago,​ ​but​ ​my parents​ ​eventually​ ​relocated​ ​to​ ​the​ ​North​ ​West​ ​suburbs​ ​of​ ​Chicago​ ​to​ ​give​ ​their​ ​children a​ ​better​ ​educational​ ​environment.​ ​My​ ​parents​ ​raised​ ​me​ ​to​ ​respect​ ​all​ ​people​ ​regardless of​ ​race,​ ​ethnicity,​ ​and​ ​religion.​ ​Many​ ​of​ ​my​ ​friends​ ​growing​ ​up​ ​were​ ​of​ ​an​ ​array​ ​of ethnic​ ​backgrounds.​ ​

Sachin​ ​is​ ​South​ ​Asian​ ​and​ ​he​ ​was​ ​raised​ ​Hindu.​ ​His​ ​parents​ ​raised him​ ​in​ ​a​ ​very​ ​traditional​ ​Indian​ ​home​ ​yet​ ​he​ ​also​ ​had​ ​friends​ ​that​ ​were​ ​from​ ​various cultural​ ​backgrounds​ ​growing​ ​up.

  1. Tell​ ​us​ ​about​ ​the​ ​dating​ ​challenges​ ​you​ ​may​ ​have​ ​faced.​ ​What were​ ​your parents'/family/relatives/friends'​ ​thoughts​ ​about​ ​you​ ​dating/being​ ​in​ ​a​ ​relationship?

Nikita - ​ ​My​ ​family​ ​loved​ ​Sachin​ ​upon​ ​meeting​ ​him.​ ​I​ ​went​ ​back​ ​home​ ​to​ ​Chicago​ ​and​ ​told my​ ​parents​ ​I​ ​had​ ​met​ ​a​ ​guy​ ​that​ ​I​ ​liked.​ ​My​ ​parents​ ​asked​ ​me​ ​his​ ​name.​ ​I​ ​told​ ​them, 'Sachin​ ​Gupta'.​ ​My​ ​dad,​ ​immediately​ ​blurted​ ​out​, "Now​ ​what​ ​is​ ​a​ ​Gupta;​ ​Gupta​ ​what?​" ​It was​ ​then​ ​that​ ​I​ ​told​ ​them​ ​that​ ​he​ ​is​ ​Indian​ ​and​ ​that​ ​we​ ​met​ ​at​ ​work.​ ​My​ ​parents​ ​had then​ ​told​ ​me​ ​that​ ​they​ ​could​ ​tell​ ​from​ ​the​ ​smile​ ​on​ ​my​ ​face​ ​that​ ​I​ ​was​ ​happy​ ​and​ ​that they​ ​wanted​ ​to​ ​meet​ ​him.​ ​I​ ​told​ ​Sachin​ ​how​ ​things​ ​went​ ​with​ ​my​ ​parents​ ​and​ ​we travelled​ ​to​ ​Chicago​ ​to​ ​have​ ​dinner​ ​with​ ​my​ ​parents.​ ​He​ ​brought​ ​my​ ​mom​ ​flowers​ ​and he​ ​instantaneously​ ​hit​ ​it​ ​off​ ​with​ ​my​ ​parents.​ ​They​ ​loved​ ​that​ ​he​ ​was​ ​a​ ​gentleman, funny, had​ ​a​ ​career,​ ​was​ ​goal​ ​oriented,​ ​and​ ​a​ ​visionary.​ ​

My parents had then told me that they could tell from the smile on my face that I was happy and that they wanted to meet him Click To Tweet

Sachin -​ ​My​ ​parents​ ​did​ ​not​ ​approve​ ​of​ ​our​ ​relationship​ ​because​ ​Nikita​ ​is African-American. ​ ​They​ ​had​ ​no​ ​desire​ ​to​ ​meet​ ​her. ​I​ ​was​ ​frustrated​ ​and​ ​broken because​ ​they​ ​raised​ ​me​ ​to​ ​have​ ​morals,​ ​and​ ​values,​ ​and​ ​to​ ​find​ ​someone​ ​that​ ​has​ ​these traits,​ ​along​ ​with​ ​being​ ​well​ ​educated​ ​and​ ​wanting​ ​something​ ​great​ ​out​ ​of​ ​her​ ​life.​ ​And​ ​I had​ ​found​ ​that​ ​someone​ ​in​ ​Nikita. I​ ​did​ ​try​ ​to​ ​talk​ ​with​ ​them continuously​ ​about​ ​Nikita​ ​but​ ​it​ ​fell​ ​on​ ​deaf​ ​ears​ ​because​ ​they​ ​could​ ​not​ ​see​ ​beyond​ ​her skin​ ​color.

Read more about Sachin's side of the story here.

My parents did not approve of our relationship because she is African-American. Click To Tweet

Both - We​ ​lost​ very​ ​few​ ​friends​ ​​that were​ ​not​ ​genuine​ ​friends​ ​in​ ​the​ ​first​ ​place.​ ​Most​ ​of​ ​our​ ​friends​ ​did​ ​support​ ​our relationship.

  1. What​ ​did​ ​you​ ​think​ ​about​ ​being​ ​part​ ​of​ ​an​ ​interracial/international​ ​couple?

It​ ​is​ ​beautiful​ ​but​ ​it​ ​takes​ ​a​ ​willingness​ ​to​ ​learn​ ​about:​ ​a​ ​different​ ​family​ ​dynamic, cultural​  structure​ ​inclusive​ ​of​ ​foods,​ ​dance,​ ​religion,​ ​customs​ ​etc!​ ​We​ ​both​ ​believe​ ​that it​ ​provides​ ​you​ ​with​ ​a​ ​greater​ ​richness​ ​and​ ​understanding​ ​of​ ​the​ ​world​ ​around​ ​you.

An interracial relationship provides you with a greater richness and understanding of the world around you. Click To Tweet

  1. Did​ ​your​ ​families​ ​approve/not​ ​approve​ ​of​ ​each​ ​other​ and​ ​what​ ​you​ ​did/didn't​ ​do​ ​about​ ​it?

Sachin's​ ​parents​ ​did​ ​not​ ​approve​ ​nor​ ​did​ ​they​ ​want​ ​to​ ​meet​ ​me​ ​because​ I am African-American.​ ​They​ ​wanted​ ​him​ ​to​ ​marry​ ​a​ ​South​ ​Asian​ ​woman. ​ ​Sachin​ ​was disowned​ ​after​ ​telling​ ​his​ ​parents​ ​he​ ​wanted​ ​to​ ​date​ ​me.

  1. How did​ ​you/your​ ​partner​ ​propose?

Sachin​ - I​ ​felt​ ​nervous​ ​and​ ​scared​ ​asking​ ​Nikita​ ​to​ ​be​ ​my​ ​wife​ ​knowing​ ​that​ ​I​ ​was going​ ​to​ ​make​ ​a​ ​life-long​ ​decision.​ ​The​ ​day​ ​was​ ​hectic​ ​given​ ​the​ ​number​ ​of​ ​stops​ ​I​ ​had to​ ​make.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​worried​ ​that​ ​Nikita​ ​wouldn’t​ ​get​ ​back​ ​from​ ​her​ ​business​ ​trip​ ​on​ ​time​ ​and that​ ​I​ ​wouldn’t​ ​be​ ​able​ ​to​ ​get​ ​everything​ ​executed​ ​perfectly.​ ​I​ ​had​ ​asked​ ​her​ ​sister, brother-in-law,​ ​one​ ​of​ ​my​ ​best​ ​friend’s,​ ​and​ ​a​ ​mutual​ ​work​ ​colleague​ ​to​ ​help​ ​me​ ​set​ ​up the​ ​scene.

During the day, I couldn’t stop calling Nikita to sing to her how much I love her. And of course, to check up on her, and to see where she was at, and when she would be coming home. When she got home I had to get her into a dress because I had plans for us all to go out.Yet she kept resisting me and asking why it was so important for her to change.​ ​She​ ​finally​ ​did​ ​change​ ​once​ ​I​ ​stressed​ ​how​ ​important​ ​it​ ​was​ ​to​ ​me.

While we were in the car driving I was getting nervous yet again. I told her we needed to walk to this new Mexican restaurant I had found to meet up with her sister and brother-in-law (she already knew they were coming to visit). And that I had let them decide where we were going to eat. They had chosen the location but things got awkward​ ​when​ ​Nikita​ ​spotted​ ​my​ ​friend’s​ ​car​ ​and​ ​I​ ​had​ ​to​ ​convince​ ​her​ ​she​ ​was​ ​wrong.

I walked her down the lit path to a blanket overlooking the beach and sunset...

I was ecstatic as we continued walking and saw that everything was setup perfectly – a lavish candlelit walkway overlooking the beach and the pavilion. I walked her down the lit path to a blanket overlooking the beach and sunset. I opened up the bottle of Moet and chocolate covered strawberries and fed them to her. I felt my heart pounding as I got down on one knee and asked this woman that I knew was the one for me since the day I met her to be my wife and queen for life. And she answered, YES right before the park​ ​ranger​ ​told​ ​us​ ​the​ ​beach​ ​and​ ​park​ ​were​ ​closing.

I felt my heart pounding as I got down on one knee and asked this woman that I knew was the one for me since the day I met her to be my wife and queen for life. Click To Tweet

  1. How is​ ​this​ ​similar​ ​to​ ​or​ ​different​ ​from​ ​your​ ​native​ ​culture?

Sachin​ ​-​ ​Arranged​ ​marriages​ ​are​ ​the​ ​traditional​ ​narrative​ ​with​ ​love​ ​marriages​ ​being​ ​on the​ ​rise.

  1. What were​ ​your​ ​ideas​ ​of​ ​an​ ​ideal​ ​mate​ ​before​ ​you met your​ ​significant​ ​other and how have​ ​these​ ​ideals​ ​evolved​ ​with​ ​your​ ​relationship?

Our​ ​ideas​ ​were​ ​of​ ​each​ ​other​ and​ ​they​ ​have​ ​stayed​ ​the​ ​same.

Nikita​ ​- I wanted a​ ​man​ ​who ​is​ ​handsome,​ ​caring,​ ​loving,​ ​funny,​ ​goal​ ​oriented,​ ​has​ ​morals,​ ​and values,​ ​family​ ​oriented,​ ​chivalrous,​ ​and​ ​ingenious.

Sachin​ ​- I wanted a​ ​woman​ ​who ​is​ ​gorgeous,​ ​has​ ​morals​ ​and​ ​values,​ ​goal​ ​oriented,​ ​witty,​ ​knows how​ ​to​ ​talk​ ​to​ ​anyone,​ ​loving,​ ​and​ ​brilliant.

  1. What​ ​have​ ​been​ ​the​ ​cultural​ ​challenges,​ ​if​ ​any,​ ​that​ ​you​ ​have​ ​faced​ ​in​ ​the​ ​course​ ​of your​ ​relationship?

Nikita​ ​- There​ ​are​ ​so​ ​many - particularly​ ​getting​ ​accustomed​ ​to​ ​all​ ​the​ ​customs/traditions, and​ ​differences​ ​in​ ​holidays​. Really​ ​understanding​ ​and​ ​learning​ ​about​ ​all​ ​the​ ​different customs​ ​and​ ​traditions​ ​from​ ​Holi​ ​to​ ​Diwali​, for example, ​and​ ​making​ ​sure​ ​I​ ​don’t​ ​compromise​ ​my own​ ​faith/belief​ ​systems.​ ​

Sachin​ ​-​ ​None​ ​really.​ Except, I​ ​had​ ​never​ ​said​ ​grace​ ​before​ ​eating​, ​growing​ ​up​, ​and​ ​in​ ​Nikita’s​ ​family home​ ​that​ ​was​ ​something​ ​new​ ​for​ ​me.

I had never said grace before eating, growing up . That was something new for me. Click To Tweet

  1. How do​ ​you​ ​handle​ ​cultural​ ​conflicts/differences​ ​(when​ ​you​ ​dated,​ ​and​ ​after marriage)?

We​ ​talk​ ​about​ ​them​ ​openly.​

Can​ ​you​ ​give​ ​an​ ​example​ ​of​ ​how​ ​open​ ​conversation​ ​may have​ ​helped​ ​resolve​ ​a​ ​conflict?​

So​ ​much​ ​was​ ​unfamiliar​ ​when​ ​we were​ ​dating​ ​and​ ​so​ ​when I​ ​finally​ ​did​ ​meet​ ​Sachin’s​ ​parents​ ​he​ ​told​ ​me​ ​that​ ​I​ ​would​ ​have​ ​to​ ​touch​ ​their​ ​feet​ ​as​ ​a sign​ ​of​ ​respect.​ ​This​ ​is​ ​not​ ​something​ ​I​ ​did​ ​growing​ ​up​ ​nor​ ​did​ ​I​ ​want​ ​to​ ​do​ ​for​ ​his parents​ ​given​ ​how​ ​they​ ​treated​ ​me.​ ​However,​ ​when​ ​Sachin​ ​explained​ ​the​ ​reasoning behind​ ​it​ ​as​ ​a​ ​sign​ ​of​ ​respect​ ​for​ ​your​ ​elders​ ​that​ ​is​ ​something​ ​my​ ​parents​ ​instilled​ ​in​ ​me from​ ​a​ ​very​ ​early​ ​age,​ ​in​ ​addition​ ​to​ ​forgiveness.​ ​Hence​ ​when​ ​it​ ​came​ ​the​ ​time​ ​to​ ​meet his​ ​parents​, ​I​ ​did​ ​touch​ ​their​ ​feet​ ​in​ ​respect.

I did not want to touch his parents' feet given how they had treated me until I understood the reasoning behind it. Click To Tweet

Nikita Gupta
  1. What​ ​kind​ ​of​ ​a wedding​ ​did​ ​you​ ​have?

We​ ​had​ ​two​ ​weddings; a​ ​destination​ ​wedding​ ​and​ ​an​ ​Indian​ ​wedding​ ​after​ ​Sachin's parents​ ​came​ ​around​ ​and​ ​finally​ ​approved​ ​of​ ​our​ ​relationship.

  1. What are your​ ​favorite​ ​memories​ ​that​ ​pertain​ ​to​ ​cultural​ ​integration​ ​(generally in your relationship​ ​and​ ​not​ ​just wedding​ ​related)?

Creating​ ​what​ ​we​ ​fondly​ ​call​ ​Masala​ holidays​ ​where​ ​we​ ​celebrate​ ​and​ ​enjoy​ ​the​ ​cuisines from​ ​both​ ​of​ ​our​ ​cultures​ ​during​ ​Thanksgiving​ ​and​ ​Christmas.​ ​Also​ ​creating​ ​new​ ​recipes that​ ​represent​ ​both​ ​our​ ​cultures.​

Would you share a recipe?​

Quick and Easy Brown Sugar and Cardamom infused Sweet Potato Casserole

  1. How do​ ​you (or​ ​don't)​ ​try​ ​to​ ​integrate​ ​your​ ​different​ ​cultures/festivities/holidays/etc into​ ​your​ ​everyday​ ​life?

We​ ​eat​ ​and​ ​make​ ​Indian​ ​food​ ​but​ ​also​ ​Soul​ ​food​ ​and​ ​many​ ​other​ ​types​ ​of​ ​cuisines.​ ​We love​ ​watching​ ​Hindi​ ​movies​ ​and​ ​also​ ​American​ ​ones.​ ​Our​ ​3​ -year​-​old​ ​daughter​ ​is​ ​learning Hindi​ ​and​ ​English​ ​and​ ​is​ ​nagging​ ​us​ ​to​ ​learn​ ​Bollywood​ ​dancing.

We eat and make Indian food but also Soul food and many other types of cuisines. Click To Tweet

  1. What​ ​have​ ​you​ ​learned​ ​as​ ​a​ ​multicultural​ ​couple,​ ​about​ ​each​ ​other/​ ​about​ ​society's perception​ ​of​ ​you​ ​as​ ​an​ ​interracial​ ​couple?

Our​ ​relationship​ ​is​ ​still​ ​considered​ ​taboo​ ​in​ ​South​ ​Asian​ ​culture​ ​where​ ​colorism​ ​is​ ​king. When​ ​we​ ​travelled​ ​to​ ​India​ ​with​ ​my​ ​husband’s​ ​parents​ ​a​ ​couple​ ​of​ ​years​ ​ago​ ​I​ ​had numerous​ ​random​ ​strangers​ ​stare,​ ​stop,​ ​and​ ​take​ ​pictures​ ​of​ ​me​ ​because​ ​they​ ​had​ ​never seen​ ​a​ ​black​ ​person​ ​before,​ ​and​ ​charge​ ​me​ ​more​ ​for​ ​attractions​ ​(the​ ​foreigner​ ​rate​ ​vs. the​ ​national​ ​rate).​ [Editor's Note: The practice of charging foreigners more than Indian nationals to visit the same attractions is common in India. This additional charge applies to all foreigners, irrespective of race, sex, or nationality.]

We​ ​have​ ​friends​ ​from​ ​many​ ​different​ ​cultural​ ​backgrounds​ ​and​ ​live​ ​in a​ ​diverse​ ​city​ ​in​ ​which​ ​interracial​ ​relationships​ ​are​ ​everywhere.​ ​In​ ​addition​, ​because​ ​we come​ ​from​ ​different​ ​cultural​ ​backgrounds​ ​communication​ ​is​ ​key​ ​to​ ​understanding​ ​each other's​ ​points​ ​of​ ​view.

  1. What​ ​are​ ​some​ ​pieces​ ​of​ ​advice​ ​you​ ​may​ ​want​ ​to​ ​pass​ ​on​ ​to​ ​those​ ​dating​ ​outside​ ​their​ ​own race/culture/religion/etc.? 

Communication,​ ​compromise,​ ​patience.​ Be​ ​open​ ​to​ ​understand​ ​each​ ​other's​ ​customs​ ​and culture. ​Love​ ​is​ ​key.​ ​

 

the author

Suchitra has previously worked as a journalist, a PR officer, and a professor. She is currently a stay-at-home-working-mom to two multiracial kids, the inspiration behind theParentVoice,.

1
Share your thoughts

avatar
1 Comment threads
0 Thread replies
1 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
1 Comment authors
Lola Shahdadi Recent comment authors

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  Subscribe  
newest oldest
Notify of
Lola Shahdadi
Member

I love this.. such key points for any marriage, and so relatable to my own. I want to be friends with these obviously wonderful people!

  • Contact

    Email (General):
    admin@theparentvoice.com

    Story Pitch:
    mypitch@theparentvoice.com

    Advertising & Collaborations:
    theteam@theparentvoice.com 

    Phone Number:
    (802) 448-2TPV (878)
    (United States)

  • About the Parent Voice, Magazine

    the Parent Voice, (tPV,) is an online parenting magazine that celebrates multiracial, multiethnic, and multicultural families by showcasing our many different and unique experiences, providing resources, nurturing virtual support, and building a community of like-minded individuals who want to raise responsible and respectful children in a world that may not always be that same way for them.

    tPV, is passionately and lovingly created by mothers who are all volunteers who believe in the mission of the Magazine. We are grateful to our contributors, our consultants, and our readers for supporting our vision and values. Thank you. To read more about us, click here. To donate, click here


     

     

  • Subscribe to our Newsletter
    We respect your privacy.

Top